trying to deal with a broken heart and hidden tears

So here I sit watching Dog the bounty hunter...(I love that show so much) and thinking of my "boyfriend" or "ex-boyfriend" i haven't decided, who hasn't talked to me in about 2 weeks for whatever reason, I have tried to call him, called his mom's house and left lots of messages, but NOTHING. I don't know what to think, what to feel or how to react other than pure anger! he made me all these promises right before Christmas how, told me all these things I wanted to hear, turns out it was all BS....I feel like a damn fool for believing him in the first place, for giving him a second chance, and most of all for buying into all the BS he sold me. I just would like for him to just call, tell me anything at this point, he could call and say "F you" or "I lost my phone" or "listen we're over" anything, but I've heard nothing so far. it just makes me wonder what he is out doing, or who he is out doing! my mind has wondered into just about all explanations there could be. the sad thing is, he gave me a ring right after x-mas, a very pretty white gold band with two stripes of diamonds, it was suppose to mean something but apparently not, at least not for him. I know i deserve an explanation from him, I deserve to know what the hell is going on with him. I am so F***ing pissed, I am so aggravated, so heartbroken, so confused, but I am also worried, it worries me when I haven't heard from someone I love cause my mind tends to go to a dark spot that scares me. I don't know what to do right now, sit and wait, just throw my hands up and say F*** it, I dunno right now, at this moment I am angry, sad and BLAH!

On a lighter note, my few days with my cousin went very well, which I was actually shocked about, same ol' same ol' pretty much, it was like nothing had changed, we laughed at night until we cried, I got to play with her 3yr. who is just about the cutest little kid ever, he is auistic, so he doesn't talk that much, but we had a blast without words....I am hoping we stay in touch, we start being more involved in each others lives now, and stop letting stupid family drama get in between us. I can't wait to go see her again and play with matthew again, he is amazing, funny and adorable!