officially shattered

its been 10 days since my post of confusion..well i am not confused anymore, i did in fact get a hold of my ex..turns out the time he was MIA from me he was cheating...i didn't want to believe what i heard on the other side of the phone line. i was pretty sure that was what was going on, it was just something that i felt inside, but to actually hear it from him made it real somehow. after 8 yrs. this is how it ended. after all the years of fighting, breaking up, getting back together, it finally became really over when he cheated. i never though he would actually break that trust i had for him, i felt so stupid, so foolish. I've never felt so betrayed by someone like he betrayed me. i just keep going over myself, thinking what could be wrong with me, how can i change so he'd want me again, even though its not something i could of prevented, its not something i can change either. it is what it is and i just gotta learn how to let go somehow, move on and try to heal my shattered heart. i try to keep myself busy, not to think of him, to think of him with that other girl, i try hard not to think of how much i hurt, i try hard not to cry throughout the day. i am actually getting better and its only been a few days since i learned the truth. i think its because before he called i already knew the truth, so i already sorta delt with it, i already started the grieving process so to speak. i didn't just lose my boyfriend, my lover, but also my best friend in the whole mixed up world. i feel alone, like I've been abandoned in the middle of nowhere, with no light, no map, no direction and i gotta find my way back home. i know God will lead me where he wants me to go, i know with Him i am never really alone, i also know he didn't make unbreakable hearts, which i wish he had.