the long awaited phone call

so i finally got up enough nerve to call J, voicemail is what i got, i was sorta relieved though...left a message & a little while later the phone rang, not thinking it was him just looked at the caller id, finally it was him. my heart jumped, my stomach fell....i was excited, nervous, happy, scared all at the same time. the convo was short, nothing to exciting really, just talked about our day and what had went on in our non-eventful day. he said he was tired, so we ended the convo maybe 30 mins after it began but in that time, i realized being so nervous was just plain silly, i mean we were friends awhile ago, so aren't we still friends? and if so, why should i be so worked up to talk to an old friend? although it wasn't the convo i imagined, it was a good start, i mean yea it was sorta short, sorta awkward, but he was tired, and i was nervous....he said he would def. give me a call , I'm glad we got that first phone call out of the way, i mean hopefully we'll talk again when he isn't as tired and it will be longer...maybe next time it'll be a little more informative. i realize that in order to show J that i like him, i gotta put forth some effort, stop being so insecure, start talking more, stop holding back cause i am afraid of being rejected. if he rejects me its going to happen rather he knows i like him or not right? i mean i know he likes me and he knows i like him, so that should of been the hardest part really, getting that out in the open. from now on i'm going to try really hard & stop over analyzing everything little thing i say & do...i gotta just let shit happen. if he really wants to get to know me, then he'll work through the awkwardness with me, and if not, well yea i'll be where i started, but i know in the end i'll be okay no matter what. he's just a boy, i can't let him control everything thats inside me.